(CNN)British baking giant Warburton’s has been forced to pause production of crumpets at two of its factories amid the ongoing carbon dioxide (CO2) crisis.
Similar to English muffins, crumpets are a staple of the British breakfast table or afternoon tea — small savory griddle cakes that are toasted and doused in butter.
“As a result of the ongoing CO2 shortage, we are producing nowhere near the 1.5 million packs of crumpets we usually make each week and have had to suspend production at a number of our bakeries,” said Tearmh Taylor, corporate and consumer affairs manager at Warburtons.
“This will remain the case until the CO2 supply returns to normal. But, rest assured we are working really hard to keep our products on Britain’s shelves,” she said.
With the temporary halt, Warburton’s — which serves up around 10 million crumpets each week to UK shoppers — is presently operating at about 50% of regular production volume, the firm added.
Why did the bubbles burst?
The baker is the latest victim of the growing CO2 crisis that has greatly impacted food and drink production in the UK in recent weeks.
The bubbles that make beer and soda fizzy are actually byproducts from ammonia production used in fertilizer industry. Over the summer, several major ammonia plants in Europe have closed for maintenance, which in turn, sparked the shortage.
It is also used in meat production, product packaging and frozen food deliveries.
The problem has been exacerbated in the UK, where only one ammonia plant is operating normally. Food and drink industry groups expect the shortage to last a few more weeks at least.
Earlier this week, a major UK wholesaler announced it was rationing cases of beer to customers as the shortage continues.
The issue comes at an inopportune time as there is an increased demand in the country as England participates in the World Cup and the country experiences a prolonged period of glorious weather.
“We predicted we would pour 14 million extra pints of beer during the group stages of the World Cup,” Brigid Simmonds, CEO of the British Beer & Pub Association said, before continuing that England’s progression into the final 16 increased their projections by another 10 million pints.
“That’s worth £42 million to the UK economy,” she added.
Last week, Heineken warned some brands may not be available in Britain during the scarcity and Coca Cola warned that it had paused production on some lines but that supplies had not been affected yet.
Source: http://allofbeer.com/co2-shortage-hits-crumpet-production-in-uk/ from https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2018/07/01/co2-shortage-hits-crumpet-production-in-uk/
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Hillary Clinton is poised to capture the Democratic nomination within the next 72 hours but some Bernie supporters won’t give up hope. At the Democratic National Convention on Monday night, Sanders supporters, like Trump supporters the week before, marched and proudly shouted, “Lock her up.” While there have been innumerable think pieces, explainers and angry Facebook posts delineating the differences between the two candidates, some supporters just don’t see the difference. And Twitter honestly can’t handle them anymore. SEE ALSO: Bernie Sanders is watching the Republican convention in the Berniest way possible Over the past few months, Twitter users have been carefully, cautiously enumerating the differences between the candidates. Here’s their highly restrained perspectives.
from https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2018/07/01/twitter-has-a-strong-message-for-bernie-bros-who-think-trump-and-hillary-are-the-same/ With the legalization of recreational marijuana in four states and counting, smoking weed is becoming increasingly more acceptable in the mainstream. In a recent survey conducted in 2015, 58 percent of Americans say cannabis should be legal. Go America! Weve come a long way since the days of “Reefer Madness.” Now that having an occasional joint after work is beginning to become as normalized as having a beer when you clock out, its time to discuss the implications this may have on your ability to maintain the body and health you desire. Its true that smoking weed alone is not going to directly lead to you putting on body fat, but there is this side effect you may have heard of. It’s called “the munchies. That’s right, I said it. As much as I am pro-marijuana, I want to address the elephant in the room that for me has led to a ton of overeating. As you may have guessed, there is some science out there explaining “the munchies.” Some emerging research points to a specific cannabinoid called tetrahydrocannabinol (or THC), which contributes to a increased sense of smell. This can also often lead to an increased appetite. When youre hungry, you want to eat more. Its as simple as that. I know there are those among us who have been smoking so long that they now claim to be immune to the appetite-increasing effects of marijuana. This may be true, and in that case, this article is not for you. Personally, Ive been smoking weed for over 12 years now, and regardless of how high my tolerance gets, I still feel the need to eat everything in my general vicinity. If you fall into this category,then this article is for you. And within this article, my main objective is to answer the age old question, How can you smoke weed and not binge eat? Way back when I weighed almost 250 pounds,I had not yet mastered the art of smoking weed and getting (or staying) lean. It was the same old routine. I would tell myself I would stick to eating a certain way or working out, but once I smoked weed, I immediately came down with a severe case of the F*ck Its.” “The F*ck Its” is a term my old college football coach introduced me to. It’s when you are supposed to do something, but then you smoke weed and say, F*ck it, I’m going to completely disregard my previous responsibilities.” (For me, this usually meant going to get a monster-sized quesadilla and playing Guitar Hero for three hours). He warned us that if we smoked weed, we would be especially vulnerable to coming down with a severe case of The F*ck Its. Then, we wouldn’t study for our tests, we’d skip classes and we wouldn’t be able play on his football team. Anyhow, over the years, I wised up a bit and was able to manage both smoking weed and achieving success in the areas of my life I cared about most. Then, I eventually dropped down to my maintenance weight of about 190 pounds. My personal physical transformation was made possible in combination with my recreational weed smoking habits by applying some very simple principles I’m about to teach you. Here are four rules to follow to prevent yourself from binge eating when you smoke weed: 1. Dont rely on willpower.
We all feel super confident in our ability to stay disciplined right up until we eat an entire bag of Double StufOreos and a carton of Ben and Jerry’s. Dont put yourself in that position. I nstead, just get rid of all the unhealthy foods in your house, so if you do go on a little binge, it will be on healthy food. Personally, I just dont bring junk food in the house because I know it will be eaten about 45 minutes after I smoke. In general, this is a smart strategy. even if you arent smoking weed. Research tells us willpower is a finite resource that takes both mental energy and motivation. Get rid of the temptation, and willpower is no longer needed. 2. Be prepared.Lets face it: Youre going to eat something. Unless you are a part of the few people who dont experience the munchies, youre going to be at risk ofexperiencing a significantly increased appetite. Be prepared with a ton of healthy and nutritious options for food in your pantry and refrigerator. I usually have green juices, veggies sticks, fruit, beef jerky and occasionally some low-calorie Pop Chips on hand to keep me satisfied. 3. Get your workout in early.I personally like to smoke and then workout, but many people dont. If you know youre likely to skip a workout if you get high, make sure you get your workout in before you indulge in smoking. Its simple, but this needs to be mentioned, otherwise you will fall victim to the “The F*ck Its” syndrome. This also goes for anything else important that you have on your agenda. If you need to get something important done, dont let yourself fall into the trap of, Ill do it later.” You probably wont, so just do it before you smoke. 4. Have clearly defined, realistic goals.
Research tells us that if you have a clearly defined, realistic goal that has been previously established, it will bemuch easier to follow through with whatyou said you wanted to do. If you decide you are going to be eating in a calorie deficit for the next week, then you know you cannot go off the hinges when you smoke. Youll have a set amount of calories youre supposed to eat, and you can hold yourself accountable to that. MyFitnessPal is a great tool to use for budgeting calories. To make this all easier for you to follow along with, weve created an infographic that you can print out and put on your fridge. If you have any other questions on how to live green and be healthy, drop them below in the comments. Source: http://allofbeer.com/4-ways-to-enjoy-weed-and-avoid-a-case-of-the-munchies/ from https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2018/06/30/4-ways-to-enjoy-weed-and-avoid-a-case-of-the-munchies/ Anheuser-Busch InBev NVs $107 billion acquisition of SABMiller Plc is nearing Chinese approval after the companies agreed to divest the maker of Snow beer, the worlds top-selling brand, according to people familiar with the matter. Approvals for both transactions could come as soon as this month based on typical review timelines, clearing one of the final hurdles for the biggest beer deal in history. Though Chinas Ministry of Commerce may attach some conditions to the deal, including the Snow divestiture, regulators see no major hurdles, said one of the people, asking not to be identified because the deliberations are private. Some local beermakers told the ministry that they dont object to the takeover as it wont have a big impact on the Chinese market, another person said. SABMiller shares closed up 3 pence to 4,306 pence in London, erasing an earlier decline. AB InBev shares fell less than 1 percent to 114.95 euros in Belgium. The merged company would redraw control of the global beer market. Following divestitures, the deal will keep Budweiser, Becks and Stella Artois under AB InBevs roof, while ceding control of brands including Miller in the U.S. and Peroni and Pilsner Urquell in Europe. In China, the companies agreed to sell SABMillers 49 percent stake in its joint venture with China Resources Beer (Holdings) Co., which controls Snow beer, back to its partner. Deals UnraveledIn clearing these global hurdles, the beer mega deal contrasts with other big proposed tie-ups that unraveled amid antitrust scrutiny, including Halliburton Co.s failed bid for Baker Hughes Inc., Staples Inc.s foiled merger with Office Depot Inc. and General Electric Co.s decision to abandon the sale of its appliance business to Electrolux AB. In the beer deal, the sides were aggressive in offering divestitures from the start — including the plan for SABMiller to sell Snow — which may have ultimately helped reduce regulatory resistance, antitrust lawyers have said. The U.S. Justice Department may clear the tie-up as soon as this month, people familiar with the process have told Bloomberg News. South Africa has yet to bless the deal, which has hit some obstacles amid protests from local unions. AB InBev and SABMiller declined to comment. China Resources and the commerce ministry didnt immediately respond to queries. The merger plan, which the two companies reached in November as a way to gain access to emerging markets, has already won antitrust approval in more than a dozen jurisdictions, including the European Union. In March, China Resources announced it would buy out SABMillers stake in their Chinese venture for $1.6 billion. That deal is also nearing approval from Chinas commerce ministry, the people said. In the U.S., AB InBev has agreed to sell SABMillers stake in the MillerCoors joint venture. It may also have to agree to further conditions related to beer distribution, according to people familiar with the matter. Smaller brewers and wholesalers want officials to restrict AB InBevs control and influence over how beer gets on to store shelves, according to the people. With assistance by Steven Yang Source: http://allofbeer.com/beer-megadeal-said-to-be-close-to-winning-chinese-approval/ from https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2018/06/30/beer-megadeal-said-to-be-close-to-winning-chinese-approval/ The rapid closure of Manchesters postwar estate pubs once seen as a vital part of the community is leaving neighbourhoods without a social anchor English postwar estate bars are often seen as a joke: Never drink in a flat-roofed pub, the saying goes. But these pubs whether theyre 1930s-style redbrick structures with pitched roofs and large beer gardens, or forbidding cubes of wood and brick that squat in the shadow of tower blocks are now at risk. Theyre being closed and converted into shops or apartments, boarded up and left to rot, or completely wiped from the map, leaving a cleared site and an empty car park. Theres a huge level of threat: these pubs are dropping like flies, says Emily Cole of Historic England. In Greater Manchester, pub closure has been hastened by the citys regeneration. The breweries have no interest in the pubs, says photographer Stephen Marland, who has been documenting their demise. The community does, but very often the local authority wants the land eventually. So theyll gladly let them die away. In the past, the pub acted as the community anchor, says Martin Dodge, a senior lecturer in geography at the University of Manchester. Now theres nostalgia for the English pub, but thats not going to pay the rent. If you dont go and buy your beer there, its not going to survive. Remnants of another ManchesterOn a visit to Manchester a few months ago, I passed a boarded-up building not far from Oxford Road. Its first floor was painted grey and its roof pitched steeply into a sharp peak. An old CCTV camera pointed in the direction of the door. This was the Gamecock, an old estate pub which, judging by its overgrown car park, had been closed for some time. Surrounded by sleek university buildings and refurbished flats, it seemed a strange and intriguing remnant of another Manchester. Source: http://allofbeer.com/never-drink-in-a-flat-roofed-pub-how-the-old-joke-became-a-reality/ from https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2018/06/30/never-drink-in-a-flat-roofed-pub-how-the-old-joke-became-a-reality/ Residents explain why so many risk death to reach Europe, as the Guardian gains rare access to report from inside the country The shrill blast of a whistle still makes Almaz Russom wince. Youre sleeping nicely, dreaming something, then it wakes you at 4.30am, he said, clenching his teeth and mimicking the pitch. I still dont like the sound of that whistle. Russom, whose name has been changed here for his own protection, was giving a rare account of a military bootcamp in Eritrea, one of Africas most secretive totalitarian states. It forms part of a compulsory national service for young men and women, an indefinite purgatory that robs them of the best years of their lives and is the key to understanding why so many flee its borders. Eritreans are now the third biggest group of people embarking on the risky Mediterranean crossing to Europe, with an estimated 5,000 leaving every month, behind only Syrians and Afghans. As the first British newspaper for a decade to gain access to this little-understood nation, the Guardian interviewed citizens, diplomats and government ministers about the motivating forces behind the mass exodus. Most suggested that while poverty, joblessness and political repression are important, what sets Eritrea apart from many other African countries is the conscription that forces them to take on often interminable military and civilian work for the equivalent of less than $2 a day. Speaking in the capital, Asmara, Russom said: If they told you national service would end, it would be bearable. But it is never-ending. He recalled being at a military training camp in the fierce heat of the Sahel which houses 20,000 conscripts at a time. A typical stint is six months, but he was lucky to spend only half that time there. The men were forced to sleep on the floor in tents and had to bring their own blankets, he continued. There are guys lying all around you. The food is not for fit for dogs. You get a timetable showing what youll do today and tomorrow. Today might be running and political school, which is the history of the liberation struggle. Tomorrow might be shooting practice: most guys deliberately miss the target so they wont be recruited by the army. But they never tell you anything beyond that. They can call your name at any time and make you gather your things and you have no idea where youre going. If youre not in position when they call, they will punish you. They might say Go and lie in the sun for an hour. It is so hot, it is worse than a beating. They can also tie you up in the eight binding your arms and legs behind you and make you lie in the sun for an hour. That is very painful because its like a stove: 55C. Its like youre close to the sun. The camps are run by military trainers who have the power to impose discipline. Russom continued: You ask yourself, Why am I here? What did I do to deserve this? The next time I see my trainer in Asmara, Ill shoot him for making me lie in the sun. But when you see him in Asmara, you are friends: you buy a beer and tell your friend, This is the guy who tortured me at the camp. There are usually two responses to any mention of Eritrea, a former Italian colony which gained independence from Ethiopia in 1993. One is a blank expression: Michela Wrong, author of a book about Eritrea, I Didnt Do it For You, said she frequently encountered people who had never heard of the place. The other is a kneejerk characterisation of this nation of 6 million as the North Korea of Africa. It is a glib analogy that bestows on Eritrea an aura of mystery that is neither desired nor deserved, and not only because the country poses no nuclear threat. Far from the cult of personality around Kim Jong-un, President Isaias Afwerkis image is harder to find than those of leaders in many African nations, despite his 22-year rule. Tremendous progress has been made in healthcare, with HIV prevalence at less than 1%. Residents reported that satellite television offers international news channels while Asmaras numerous internet cafes do not block websites except those featuring pornography. The WhatsApp and Viber messaging services are popular because they are thought difficult for the government to monitor. Warnings that the Guardians movements would be followed by government agents in the capital proved unfounded. You can say anything you like here, Russom confided. You can insult the president. It will be treated as a joke. Foreign diplomats and development workers based in Asmara are mostly baffled by the Pyongyang comparison. Its not an adventure: not that much happens here, the spouse of one said. Its very safe. It feels more isolated than when we lived on an island. However, Eritreas government has been its own worst enemy in feeding conspiracy theories among the diaspora and western pundits. It has repeatedly denied access to UN investigators and independent human rights watchdogs such as Amnesty International. Foreign media have been shut out for about 10 years, with a trickle of reporters permitted only in the past few months. The immense tourist potential of its Italian art deco and modernist architecture and pristine beaches has been squandered. Instead the country is a political and economic pariah with streets full of bicycles, donkey-drawn carriages, 1960s cars and overcrowded buses. Power cuts are a way of life, the state-controlled mobile phone network is supplemented by public payphones and there are virtually no advertising billboards, newspapers or international brands except Coca-Cola. No, Eritrea does not resemble North Korea, observed Richard Poplak of South Africas Daily Maverick after a recent visit. It resembles Cuba 15 years ago. The prosaic truth is that this is just another of the nasty regimes that persist in parts of the world. Eritrea is a one-party state with no elections, has had no functioning civil society since 2001 and, with at least 16 journalists currently behind bars, is ranked bottom of 180 countries assessed in Reporters Without Borders press freedom index. The regime sows paranoia and uncertainty, leading to divergent views over how far the limits of free speech can be tested. A recent UN inquiry on human rights described extrajudicial killings, torture, arbitrary detentions, enforced disappearances, indefinite military conscription and forced labour. Its report found a pervasive control system used in absolute arbitrariness to keep the population in a state of permanent anxiety. This mood was evident on the streets of Asmara, where a foreign photographer who took pictures of one of numerous beggars was swiftly approached by men in plain clothes and ordered to delete them. Strangers were polite and friendly but, when conversations turned to politics, guarded and hushed. Even standing here talking to a white man, I am taking a risk, one man muttered. If you publish my name, I will be taken in 24 hours. The man, who did national service for 11 years, reflected: Now Im 32. What future do you think I have at 32? How old are you? What had you achieved by 32? The situation hits us hard, especially young people. They are leaving because there is no hope. On the bustling, tree-lined Harnet Avenue, a young student kept walking as she remarked: We dont have diplomacy, we dont have freedom. I cannot speak as I want. There are no jobs. I want to study in London because my university cannot afford a lab. And the head of an English language school pre-empted an interview by apologising: Im sorry, I dont know anything about politics. I wasnt born for that. Your questions are very interesting. If you find anyone wholl help you, youll succeed. Money is scarce and opportunities are few. Solomon Beraki, 30, earns just 1,000 nafka (£43) a month as a student nurse. This is very little when you see it with our standard of living, he said. This is the main problem, not because people dislike the government or president, but because of their financial situation. There are many educated people who dont have enough work. They dont dislike national service but there is no cutoff point: it is lifelong. Yafet Russom, who was running a small shop, said he earned just 800 nafka a month from national service. He was selling a loaf of bread for 3 nafka, a can of beans for 40, bottles of water for 35, tins of sardines for 58, cheese for 75 and a box of tea for 120. At the central fruit and spice market, a kilo of oranges went for 85 nafka, while a kilo of onions cost 60. A different view was offered by Rebecca Haile, a retired nurse who now lives in the US but returns home to Eritrea regularly. The government doesnt torture people, the 65-year-old insisted. Its just politics. When people go to America, they just say it to get a green card. Most of them are not Eritrean but have come by an Eritrean name. Real Eritreans love their country. A sticker with the words I love Eritrea adorns a locker in the offices of the government-backed National Union of Eritrean Youth and Students, whose courtyard has a full-size replica of the classical statue Discus-thrower (Discobolus). Okbay Berhe, 37, its deputy chairman, admitted that conscription was driving young people away but claimed it was for economic, not political reasons. Its not national service any more, he said. Its uncertain time and its not easy for the youngest to tolerate that. This creates unemployment by default. If youre on national service you cant make money. It is killing opportunities as you cant make money for your family. There may be people who say they are leaving because the government is repressing them but they are trying to politicise these things. When they go to Europe about 70% send money back to their families because they know how their families are living. This is the main reason they go to Europe, logically. Berhe believes that an additional factor is that western governments give Eritreans special treatment when considering asylum applications. The west motivates Eritreans to leave, he added. And many Ethiopians in Europe and Israel are registered as Eritreans. If someone asks where are you from, they cant differentiate. The Eritrean government justifies national service as a necessary precaution in case of fresh conflict with neighbouring Ethiopia the countries remain in dispute after a 1998-2000 border war killed tens of thousands of troops. This followed three decades of conflict that resulted in Eritreas independence but left almost no family untouched by loss. Yemane Ghebre Meskel, the information minister, insisted that there was still sabre-rattling from Ethiopia and a tense limbo of no war, no peace. If you talk about the issue of prolonged national service, that might be debatable, but what are the alternatives? These are not hypothetical issues we are talking about existential threats. He claimed migration happens everywhere and in Eritreas case there are push factors but I think the pull factors are much stronger, in particular America and Europes willingness to accept Eritreans. Were talking about several countries which for their own reasons wanted to grant asylum for people from the national service. During an interview at the information ministry sitting on top of a hill along with the state broadcaster overlooking Asmara, Meskel rolled his eyes heavenward before answering each question. Its automatic to say, parliament is not there, no elections for 20 years, he said. It does not take into account the special circumstances that forced the government to abandon the project of nation building that had begun. The absence of formal opposition does not mean there is not debate within society. There is a demonisation campaign focused on the government and the president. I know him. There is a huge different between how hes portrayed by the negative media and him as a person. They say dictator but dont talk about certain attitudes of his character. Sometimes you wonder if they are talking about the same country. Meskel dismissed the recent UN human rights report, claiming it was based on interviews with Eritrean exiles who have an agenda against the country. He continued: The UN said the government doesnt allow people to meet. If there is a wedding here, what happens? I go to weddings, on buses, in taxis, nobody cares. People gather together and say whatever they want. I dont have anyone arrested for talking negatively about the government. I find it difficult to say this country is governed by fear and nobody wants to talk. With many of the best and the brightest living abroad there is little sign of an uprising against one-time liberator Afwerki, and that suits the international community just fine. Eritreas location in the Horn of Africa, notably its proximity to Yemen across the Red Sea, makes it an important bulwark. Christine Umutoni, the UNs resident humanitarian coordinator, said: Eritrea is in a very strategic position. It should be in everyones interests to have stability in this country for the sake of international trade. Half the population is Christian, half is Muslim. There is no sign of fundamentalism. Its an important ally. If things were to go wrong in Eritrea, it would affect the region. For many here, however, the peace, stability and remarkably low crime rate are illusory. Russom observed dryly: Most Eritreans are suffering but it is in our culture to act as if we are living nicely. We like to pretend. If you go to bar, someone is pretending to live well, but if you go to their home you will see they are struggling. If you could ask 20 people how they are doing, only two will actually be living well. People like the president but, in their hearts, they do not like the president. from https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2018/06/29/inside-eritrea-conscription-and-poverty-drive-exodus-from-secretive-african-state/ Detroit (CNN)Donald Trump sought to get his stumbling campaign back on track Monday, unveiling a tax reform plan aligned with House Speaker Paul Ryan’s policy agenda.
Trump’s new proposal would reduce tax rates for most Americans and simplify the tax code, but the new rates Trump proposed mark an increase from those he proposed last year as he campaigned for the Republican nomination and touted his tax reform plan as offering the lowest income tax rates of any of his GOP opponents.
Trump’s new proposal would more than halve the number of income tax brackets and bring rates down to 12%, 25% and 33%. Trump proposed drastically reducing federal income tax rates to 10%, 20% and 25% — a proposal that nonpartisan groups assessed would add trillions of dollars to the national debt.
Americans in the top income bracket are currently taxed at 39.6%. Trump also vowed again Monday that the poorest Americans will have a zero tax rate, which he included in his initial proposal.
The Republican nominee, who was interrupted by protestors 14 times, unveiled his economic plan — which included proposals beyond just tax reforms — a week after he feuded with Ryan. The real estate mogul initially refused to endorse the speaker, who faces a primary Tuesday. But Trump ultimately backed Ryan on Friday after a tumultuous week of intra-party fighting.
Speaking at the Detroit Economic Club, Trump laid out proposals to achieve an American “economic renewal,” including a moratorium on government regulations, a proposal to make childcare expenses fully tax deductible, and other proposals his campaign argued will benefit the middle class.
“It’s a conversation about how to make America great again for everyone and, especially, and I say especially, for those who have the very least,” Trump said.
Trump’s speech, in which he offered detailed policy proposals rarely heard in his typical stump speech, came as the Republican faces steeply declining poll numbers following two bad weeks on the campaign trail during which he repeatedly stoked controversies that distracted from his core campaign message.
But Trump, reading from teleprompters, was laser-focused on promoting his economic agenda and contrasting his plans with Hillary Clinton’s.The Democratic nominee is also set to lay out her own economic proposals in Detroit in a major address on Thursday.
Trump pointed to Detroit, a city lately besieged by economic turmoil and run for decades by successive Democratic mayors, as the “living, breathing example of my opponent’s failed economic agenda.”
Trump called the city’s economic collapse an example of politicians abandoning “America first” policies in favor of a globalist agenda.
“If you are a foreign power looking to weaken America, you couldn’t do better than Hillary Clinton’s economic agenda,” Trump said.
But Trump went beyond bomb-throwing, laying out in detail a number of proposals he would seek to enact as president that would reduce the regulatory influence of the federal government, particularly on fossil fuel industries.
He also again vowed to lower the business tax rate for corporations and small businesses alike to 15% — down from the current top rate of 39%.
“We will make America grow again,” Trump said.
Trump also said he would look to restart the Keystone XL pipeline project, and withdraw the U.S. from the Paris climate agreement, withdraw the U.S. from the Trans-Pacific Partnership and renegotiate the North American Free Trade Agreement, which was enacted by President Bill Clinton.
Ryan’s campaign spokesman Zack Roday praised Trump’s proposal, saying it “has many similarities to the job-creating plan at the heart of House Republican’s Better Way agenda.”
“A Better Way,” is a plan Ryan introduced in June as speaker that lists changes to six policy areas, including tax reform.
Hillary Clinton offered a direct rebuttal to Trump’s remarks during a rally in St. Petersburg, Florida, later in the day.
“He wants to basically just re-package trickle down economics. Now, you know that old saying, ‘Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me?’ ” Clinton said. “Trickle down economics does not help our economy grow. It does not help the vast majority of Americans.”
Stressing the importance of the fall election, Clinton urged the crowd: “Don’t let a friend vote Trump.”
At a family-owned beer brewery earlier in the day, Clinton accused Trump for engaging in the business practice of refusing to pay workers for their services. Clinton said she has met countless people who were “stiffed” by Trump and told: “Just sue us,” and drew on her personal experience of having watched her own father run a small print plan as a child.
“He worked really hard and made a good living for my mother, my brothers and me,” Clinton said about her father at 3 Daughters Brewing, surrounded by thousands of stacked beer cans and large silver brew houses. “That’s why I just can’t imagine — he’d worked so hard — if he had delivered the finished goods to the people who had ordered them, that they would say we’re not going to pay you. And that’s what Trump has done time and time again.”
Clinton has been pulling away from Trump in recent polling, following his disastrous battle with the Gold Star parents of slain Iraq War veteran Capt. Humayun Khan. The latest CNN Poll of Polls shows Clinton beating Trump 49%-39% nationwide.
But a CNN poll in June and a more recent Fox News survey found that voters trust Trump more than Clinton on the economy.
Clinton running mate Tim Kaine tweeted Monday, “Donald Trump is only in it for himself — just look at his economic plan.”
Source: http://allofbeer.com/trump-revises-his-tax-plan-raises-top-rate/ from https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2018/06/28/trump-revises-his-tax-plan-raises-top-rate/ I swear because women are meant to taste sweet Janne Robinson is a poet and author ofSource: http://allofbeer.com/i-swear-because-women-are-meant-to-taste-sweet-and-i-taste-of-spice/ from https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2018/06/28/i-swear-because-women-are-meant-to-taste-sweet-and-i-taste-of-spice/ Designers draw inspiration for their clothing from all around. A trip to a faraway land, a spice in a culinary dish, and of course, every other single thing that’s already been designed. As Edward Norton said in , “everything is a copy of a copy of a copy.” But for his fall 2018 fashion show, perpetually-hip, cooler-than-cool fashion purveyor Alexander Wang was inspired by an entirely unexpected entity: you and your friends on New Year’s Eve. I know, I know, you probably didn’t even know your squad was exerting this kind of influence over one of fashion’s week top designers, but then again, . Wang sent Bella Hadid and Kendall Jenner in NYE-style party hats, proving that even wealthy, iconic celebrities want to be us when we go out. Bella and Kendall weren’t the only models-as-regular people on display at Wang’s fashion show. Famous women like Candice Swanepoel and Kaia Gerber brandished such pedestrian, attainable fashion as denim shorts over leather pants. But it was the real-life bestie pair of Bella Hadid and Kendall Jenner in matching, black, going-out dresses and feathered party hats that looked especially, oddly, familiar. Why, you ask? Because they are all of us.
Kendall and Bella were decked out in silky but plain LBDs, backseam stockings, tiny black clutches, and hats that read “Party Animal” and “Wangfest.” Now, if that’s not the spitting image of you and your BFFL on New Year’s Eve, I don’t know what is. And that’s precisely the point. The intention was to depict real women dressed up to go out — and go. “Wang was not only able to capture the look of a young woman in the wee hours after a night of rowdy partying — the mussed hair, ripped fishnets, disheveled too-short dress — but also the attitude. In those early shows, the audience could practically smell the stale beer and cigarettes of this fantasy night of debauchery,” wrote . While I can’t recreate said odors, you can just sniff a party at 3 a.m. and check out some of the finale footage of Kendall and Bella stomping around, below.
The name of the show was “Wangfest,” a term I’m sure was plucked right out of your group text the morning after one of your best friends got laid. Wangfest took place in two outdoor locations, with the first show on Lafayette Street in NoLita, in lower Manhattan. After that one wrapped up, the models boarded actual to get to the second show and after-party in the Bushwick neighborhood of Brooklyn. Not only did Wang send his employees on the most basic form of party transportation, he treated them to Budweiser beers out of inflatable pools and mass amounts of Dunkin’ Donuts. The Wangfest soundtrack consisted of performances by Ja Rule and Ashanti, definitely designed to play the heartstrings of early 2000s girls everywhere. Honestly, switch the words “performances by” to “karaoke of,” and you’ve got a typical college rager. Some fashion critics weren’t there for the banality of the spectacle. wrote: “Somewhere along the way, Wang’s obsession with cultivating a brand image of partying has trumped his interest in design. The collection shown Saturday night was such a side note to the unwieldy, confusing event, it’s barely worth discussing.” felt it was “disheartening that a designer with an incredible eye for culture and style seems more focused on the quality of his after-party than the collection that party is celebrating.” So basically, the high-fashion culture is kind of mad Wang dressed his models like all of us stumbling from club to club in the wee hours of the morning. Personally, I feel like if I have to to try and look hot while walking concrete streets in heels, I’m glad Kendall and Bella do too. Source: http://allofbeer.com/bella-hadid-and-kendall-jenner-at-wangfest-are-all-of-us-on-new-years-eve/ from https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2018/06/27/bella-hadid-and-kendall-jenner-at-wangfest-are-all-of-us-on-new-years-eve/ “There’s nothing worse than walking down a street, minding your own business, when you feel the sticky warmth of blood running down your legs, safe in the knowledge that you have forgotten to pack any sanitary products, and recently spent the entirety of your money on christmas presents. By the time I made it to a bathroom to stuff tissue in my underwear, I looked like the survivor of a shark attack.” 2.A Personal Nightmare“This is true. I remember it awkwardly at least once a day. It hurts my soul. I went to a friends wedding in a small town far away. We drank beyond what any sane people would drink that Friday night, got up hungover, he gets married, then we hit the reception. I black out and my buddy drives us back to the room. I wake up in my tux about two hours before my plane is to depart. Haul ass to the airport with my friend, both tremendously hungover. We get through security and I am so nauseated I cannot stand it. Down a huge gatorade and bottled water to try to rehydrate. I duck into the bathroom about two minutes before boarding to clear out the bowels, praying it would relieve the nausea. It doesn’t. I boarded the plane in a cold sweat. I was sitting in the second row. A nice old woman comes and sits beside me. She has a bag of something that I can smell. It is food of some sort. I swear to you on my life I had my first true panic attack right then. The smell of that food…. I knew then and there that I was going to vomit. I was sweating so bad, the old lady asks me if I am okay. I say yes and stand to excuse myself allllll the way to the back of the plane to the restroom. The flight attendant tells me to sit back down, we are backing away from the gate. I argue for a second, but I know deep inside it is too late. I started crying and shaking. I am a grown man and I am sitting beside this tiny old lady with a bag of what is apparently rotten broccoli crying my fucking eyes out. The attendant comes back. I am inconsolable. Everyone is looking at me like I am a fucking terrorist. It is building. I am panicking in my head that I will shit myself as I vomit all over the row. Finally my body decides it is over, because fuck you for drinking for two straight days motherfucker. I reach in a panic for the airsick bag and pull it out. I will never forget the look on that poor little old lady’s face. She is gripping both armrests and arched back away from me. Her eyes were the size of dinner plates. The attendant is asking me to calm down, everyone is looking, and I let loose. The gatorade and Aquafina are still in my stomach, so it is a massive stream of red vomit. Real demonic looking shit. The bag is about halfway full when I begin farting uncontrollably. The only thing that saved me from shitting on myself was the preflight bowel clear. I involuntarily am squeezing the bag, red puke is all over my lap and seat. The old lady is screaming and trying to push her way out past the attendant. I am crying and puking and farting relentlessly. Nightmare. I had to ride two hours with these people. They had all witnessed a small personal nightmare.” 3.Ice Scraper“When I was a little kid, my dad went into a grocery store and left me out in the car. I had to take a shit. I waited & waited & waited but my dad never came… so I took a dump on the floor of the car and then used his ice scraper to shovel it out the door. When my dad got back to the car, he stepped on it hahaha.” 4.India“Years ago I was living and interning in India for a summer and would usually take train trips to different cities over the weekends. One weekend I was on an overnight train and was stricken with a terrible case of food poisoning half way to my destination. I made my way to the bathroom (squat toilet) on a moving train and proceeded to have explosive diarrhea while simultaneously vomiting all over the place. Shitting and barfing hovering over a squat toilet on a moving train with many hours to your destination really makes you take inventory of your situation. I have never experienced that level of bathroom related drama in my life. It was the perfect storm.” 5.The Eastern-Style Toilet“I was a 15 year old exchange student in Thailand. After a week of eating the local food without allowing my body to adjust from its natural Canadian habitat I found my self to be relatively constipated. One day I was traveling through a remote Thai village when I got a sudden urge to empty my bowels. Understandable considering I hadn’t shit in a week. I asked a local to point me to a bathroom, and after a few minutes of ass-clenching and waddling I found the entrance to a Thai-style bathroom. I proceeded to unleash a hurricane of spicy-diarrhea stew into the dry toilet. A solid-liquid spray lasting for 15 or more seconds. After substantially loading up the toilet, I breathed a sigh of relief and looked around for toilet paper. Well what do you know, there wasn’t any. Apparently you are supposed to bring your own ass wiping device, and I hadn’t known. The only 2 objects that could be utilized to help clean my drain-pipe were a grungy looking loofah and my hand. Opting to not risk contracting some ass-communicable foreign disease from the loofah, I proceeded to use my hand to wipe up the slimy somewhat chunky mixture and rinsed it off under the tap. Some may be shocked about how nonchalantly I just cleaned myself, but let me explain: I was DESPERATE. I felt like shit, I was panicking, and I had no idea what I was doing. So at that point it was an everything goes deal. After wiping I guessed I was supposed to fill the bowl with the water from the bucket, so I did. However, my recent recipe of goulash had rendered draining the water (no flushing) impossible, so it ended up just filling to the top with murky brown stinky water. By then I was on the verge of tears: I still felt sick, I was in a strange place, and I had no idea what I was doing. So I just decided ‘fuck it’ and opened the door to go outside… And was greeted by a LINE of 8-13 year olds. I had apparently used a local school bathroom without realizing it, and they had just started their break. I turned bright red and just high tailed it out of there, leaving behind a steaming bowl of shit soup, a horrendous smell of partly digested chicken and pork, and a gaggle of middle school Thai kids. Never felt so guilty and disgusted before… but I have also never felt a relief as satisfying as emptying ones bowels after a week of spicy asian food.” 6.Crying And Pooping“If you don’t know anything about menses, let me preface this by stating that the first day of the cycle is often the worse, and most girls get the shits while on their period. About two and a half years ago, I had just spent the night at my boyfriend’s apartment. I’m sleeping soundly in his arms when my stomach rumbles so loudly that it wakes me up. I feel the familiar pain of period cramps, but they’re nearly 10 days early, so I dismiss it as a side effect of my boyfriend’s sizable penis. He’s still sleeping pretty soundly and we’re in the spooning position; I don’t want to wake him by moving, so I lay there for a while while my abdomen cramps. I have to fart and decide that I can get away with it… HUGE MISTAKE My brand new boyfriend wakes up to the sensation of something warm and wet on his dick. The smell doesn’t hit us until he lifts up the covers to investigate… it is a delightful mixture of poo and pennies. Apparently I covered his junk in a light spattering of both shit and period blood. I am on the side of the bed against the wall; he gets up so I can run to the bathroom. I sit up and the blood just pours out of me. On the mattress, the sheets… it’s just everywhere… We sprint to the bathroom together and he starts the shower while I destroy his toilet. I have never, ever shit in front of someone before. I’m traumatized, just crying and pooping and pouring blood all at the same time. By the time I flushed the toilet, I’ve decided that I can never see him again. And my boyfriend just laughs. Then comforts me, kisses me, tells me ‘shit happens,’ then has sex with me in the shower. Needless to say, I married him.” 7.*Shudder*“I lived in the country and would eat a lot of raw vegetables when I was very young (6-12). I started losing weight for some reason and my parents just thought it was because I was in a growth spurt or something. Then for 2 weeks I felt really bad, went to the doctor he gave me some anti-parasite meds and sent me home. He failed to mention that I would be passing a humungous tape worm later that week and I freaked out when I was mid shit and could see this dark black snake looking thing coming out of my ass. I finished crapping but this thing wouldn’t come all the way out so I had to reach back and pull it the rest of the way out. (Gag!) I didn’t tell anyone about it for years.” 8.The Honeymooners“On my way back from my Honeymoon I had decided to stop at a Taco Bell. Mind you this was a in the back woods of Kentucky Taco Bell Express. The Chili Cheese Burrito being my favorite I didn’t even look at the menu and ordered away. Then he proceeded to tell me: “We don’t have any deep fryers.” At the time the big campaign was the 1 pound burrito. So assuming that’s what I wanted he sold me two. What I walked out with somewhat resembled burritos, and weighed a fuck ton more than 2 pounds. The wife took one look and said no, and decided she wasn’t hungry anymore. I inhaled mine… After getting on the highway again, the bubble-gut hit me. Of course the next exit is SEVERAL miles down the road. By the time we get to the next off ramp I’m doing the anal butt clench of death, and I shit you not there’s the oldest fucking lady driving an old jalopy 2 miles an hour down the off ramp. When I finally pull off to run inside the only place to stop here drum roll a Taco Bell. I stop yell ‘GET THE KEYS!,’ and race inside, past a crew of kids waiting to clean the restrooms, slam the stall door, drop trow, and let loose the most foul smelling shit storm I never thought possible. It was BAD BAD BAD BAD BADDDDDDDDDDDDDDD. After cleaning up, of course I failed to do a courtesy flush and it starts coming up after me. So I do the due diligence and RUN THE FUCK OUT! Of course the wife is now inside ordering her Taco Bell (OH FUCK NO!) and the kids start walking into the bathroom (OH FUCKING HELL!)… I sternly (read that as a demand) tell her: ‘WE NEED TO MOVE NOW!’ Got back in the car and raced away… In the rear view, yes I saw the kids running out of Taco Bell after me.” 9.I Love Peppers!“When I first moved to China, a group of really attractive Chinese girls that worked for our company decided to take me out to lunch before my first “welcome to x company induction” class that evening. I wanted to make a good impression and be like all cool and stuff. So we’re at the restaurant, and they tell me that originally they’re all from Sichuan province (known for its spicy food) and they ask if I like spicy food. Sure I say, the hotter the better. I’m really only trying to impress them, but i figure how hot can it be? So I tell them to order it as spicy as it can get, I love peppers!, i want to eat it like they do, and some other idiotic stuff. They’re impressed and they order this meal that is literally coated in tiny shriveled dark red peppers. It was hot and it brought tears to my eyes, but I put on a good show and ate everything. A few hours later, I’m sitting in this orientation class, and my stomach rumbles and immediately i can feel the taste of the peppers in my mouth again and I feel like if a bathroom were present, i could make use of it. I look at the clock and see I still have 45 minutes and it would be insanely rude to get up and leave. So i just decide to wait and concentrate on the lecture. About 15 minutes later, I am UNCOMFORTABLE and squirming around. I pass a bit of gas quietly to help relieve the pressure and it felt someone lit a match on my bunghole and the smell was instantly suffocating. One of those omg, no warning, blitzkrieg on the nose, bury your face in your shirt and lynch the guy responsible types. Nobody figured out it was me but by this point i am in agony. I have 10 minutes to go and im almost sweating. My bunghole feels like Mount Doom and Im afraid its going to start leaking sulphuric acid. Finally the class is dismissed and as professional as I can, hurry quickly to the mens room (which looked like this) As I rush in and begin to very loudly take care of business, my cell phone rings. This was back in the day when having ringtones were still cool. Mine at the time i had this painful incident? Ring of Fire A few days later I was telling a buddy about my new found allergy to peppers and he’s like ‘yep when you eat it, you think about it hot going in, but never how hot it will be coming out.’” 10.‘It Sounds Like You Spilled Water Or Something’“19 years old and staying at my Dad’s house for the weekend. I had come down with a stomach bug and was on the toilet every 5 minutes all afternoon just pushing this horrible liquid mess out of me. At one point I run in and sit down quickly to let out whatever leviathan was next in line to escape my body, when I get that familiar feeling in the pit of my stomach that I WILL be throwing up soon. My mouth is watering, the back of my throat is dropping, and I’m searching for a proper receptacle. I find a small mesh garbage can, but I don’t want to make “a mess” so I figure I’ll jump off the toilet, turn around vomit into it, then jump back on and finish the shitting aspect. Pretty straightforward – so now I’m kneeling in front of my toilet with my pants down as my gut clenches up with the first waves of vomit. At the very instant I started vomiting every muscle in my body started clenching up and 3 gallons of liquid poopy sauce erupts from my ass all over my Dad’s bathroom. I turn around and notice I have covered the entire wall, floor, rug, and even have hit parts of the ceiling with this ass explosion. I kind of just sit down and take it all in for a few minutes, but then realize I’m in the family’s main bathroom and my parents and sibling are all eating dinner not more than 3 feet from where this happened. I hear a ‘are you ok it sounds like you spilled water or something?’ HAHA if only – so I spend the next two hours cleaning up everything with toilet paper. I didn’t want to ruin towels or anything. I emerge 2 hours later with a spotless bathroom behind me, my Dad says “damn son it really smells like crap in here” I just agreed. This experience has made me a better person 11.No TP“Once in Italy I was absolutely desperate to use the bathroom. I walked all over the city for a public restroom, getting more and more antsy about it. You know the pins and needles, shivering kind of desperate? Yeah, that bad. Eventually, I turned a corner and saw the golden arches of McDonald’s- I swear they were glowing and there were trumpets playing it was such a glorious sight. I sprinted up to the store and into the bathrooms, sat down to do my thing, then realized there was no toilet paper. I thought, no worry, I can just use receipts. Open my wallet- nope, I’d cleaned it out the day before. I sit there for a while trying to decide if I really want to wipe myself with a 50. In the end I decide not to because I heard that all euros have drugs on them. And I don’t want to put any drugs down there. Finally after much deliberation, I decided there was only one thing for it- I had to use my own underwear. Whipped them off, wiped clean, and disposed of them (in a bin, I didn’t flush them) and strutted out of there right into a lingerie shop to buy a new pair.” 12.Marital Bonding“My parents and some other family members went to Punta Cana, Dominican Republic last year and stayed at an all-inclusive resort. They got a suite that had an open layout so the toilet was behind a wall but no door and there was a hot tub in front of the toilet. The food at the resort must have been bad, because everyone got sick. My mom ran to the bathroom to throw up and she ended up shitting at the same time. It sprayed the walls and the jacuzzi tub and the floors. Everywhere. My stepdad was in the room at the time, and from seeing that happened, he started throwing up. Then he started shitting his pants. They both tried to clean it up, but ended up throwing up and shitting in the jacuzzi tub in front of each other several times. This repeated almost every day on the trip.” 13.The Beach“It was the summer after my freshman year at college (so 3 years ago), and I was in the Bahamas. My cousin and I were swimming in the ocean, and he wanted to go back into the hotel room, so he left. So there I am, swimming alone, when i get the urge the poop. Now I thought it was one of those ‘I can forcefully hold this in the water, it’ll go away, and then I can go when I get back into my room.’ Well I was wrong. Five minutes go by and then I start walking up the beach because it seems like i’m holding in the worst shit of my life. I reach the sidewalk and I start sprinting up and down, trying to find one of those help desk things, I finally do and ask the lady where the nearest bathroom is. It was about 30 feet away and I thought I was in the clear. Well I get into the bathroom, run into a stall and then I notice my bathing suite was tied…fuck. So as I’m untying my bathing suit I just start shitting….and as I finally sit down I notice it was all over my thigh, on the floor, and on the toilet seat (behind me). Then to top it all off, there’s no toilet paper. I then see a janitor’s hand go under the stall and he hands me TP and says ‘I think you’ll need this.’ 14.Blue Cheese On Pizza“I ate a slice of pizza one summer. It was a slice of buffalo chicken/blue cheese. I should have paid better attention, the ‘blue cheese’ on the pizza looked to be salad dressing. That had been sitting under a heat lamp for an undetermined amount of time. In July. Yes, it was bad. I had gone to the bar that night, and was halfway through a beer when I realized “oh fuck, this is food poisoning.” So I had to make the mad dash for home. Which included A) a fifteen minute walk to the train station B) five minutes waiting for my train, C) a twenty minute train ride and D) a twenty minute walk home from the train station. I knew that once I opened the floodgates, I wouldn’t be ale to move so I didn’t want to risk a public bathroom so I just clenched both ends and suffered. The worst was the last leg of it, when I was walking home from the train station. By then I was just looking for yards with big enough bushes for me to just go and befoul. Stupid suburbia. I did make it home, and when I made it to the toilet I barfed for like twenty minutes. and then my ass blew up. All weekend, just puking and shitting and shivering and sweating for three days straight.” 15.The Dance“In high school I was invited to a school dance by my best friend’s ex. I get to this dance and I’m trying my best to be a good date without breaking the bro code when the girl in question grabs my junk. It is important to say that I suffered from high anxiety and, often enough, irritable bowel syndrome. So my stomach lurched and I ran into the only bathroom in the gym where the dance took place to find that there were ~20 guys packed into the tiny room containing only one stall. I had to wait in line to get to the stall and when I finally sat down and tore ass, all of the guys on the outside started banging on the stall doors and howling at me. I sit in shame until the room is mostly clear and get up to leave only to find out that the tail of my shirt had been in the toilet the whole time and was filthy as…well, shit. Thankfully I had my pocket knife on-hand so I just cut about one foot of material off of the back of my shirt and pulled the poker face all night.” 16.On The Bus“Mine is a pretty embarrassing story. I was in High School, probably 14-15. First day of the year. Im wearing basketball shorts (this detail will come handy little later). As soon as I get on the bus, I feel the urge to poop a footlong. When I’am talking about urge I mean business, like if i had the choice to vomit it, there would be no hesitation. The bus ride is about 45 minutes with a transfer after 20. Arriving at the depot, I’m running for the public bathroom, as filthy as it was. Of course, it’s fuckin closed because of maintenance. I couldn’t believe it. Went and sat with friends on the second bus, and I was ready to explode. I didn’t say a single word and tried to look as normal as possible but I was cringing and couldn’t stop moving on my seat. Arriving at school, the usual 5 minutes walk looked like 5 hours. Naturally, as soon as I entered the school, I couldn’t hold myself and starting shitting pellets all around the hall to the bathroom. Like rock solid stuff. Maybe 4-5 dropped before I could arrive to the bathroom. Remember, I was wearing basketball shorts. To this day, I still don’t know if someone saw me and I kept imagining the janitor who had to pick up the shit.” 17. The Hair Dryer Savior“I’ve had my fair share of bathroom emergencies (lactose intolerance for the win!) but this one was by far the worst/best of recent memory. About 2 years ago, I was camping with my family. We decided to go out to eat one night instead of cooking over a fire – and went to a local seafood place. The food was amazing, and I ate wayyyyy too much greasy and deep fried amazingness for my stomach to handle. The icing on the cake of my stomach? Stopping for ice cream afterwards. As soon as we were done my bowels started to churn that special feeling. I knew I needed to get to a bathroom, and stat. We were only 5 minutes away from the campground so I decided to hold it for then. As we got closer, I was more and more nervous I wouldn’t make it, which made me more nervous and therefore more pressure and rumbling. I felt like I was going to explode. I finally asked to be dropped off at the bathroom near the entrance of the campground – which ended up helping me out nicely, for this bathroom had showers and electricity. Our car pulled up and I jumped out before we even stopped moving. I waddled my ass into the bathroom and found the closest stall I could get into. Normally, I am extremely bathroom shy and can barely piss with other people around, let alone drop a shit storm. And that night, the bathroom was chock. full. of. girls. Prim, proper, “I hate camping but my family dragged me along” teenagers. THE WORST. But this situation called for no shame. I barely had the door shut and my pants down before all hell broke loose. The loudest, gnarliest, nastiest sounds and smells came forth from my ass. No human being, let alone FEMALE, should ever produce anything like this. This should have embarrassed me out of the campground for life. HOWEVER! At the exact moment hell unleashed from my bottom, one of the girls turned on her hairdryer. The sound COMPLETELY drowned out my agony. It was the most perfect timing. Normally I curse girls like this who can’t live a moment without looking perfect (and c’mon, bringing a hairdryer CAMPING!?)…but that day, I was praising her existence and persistence to do so. Shockingly, my body emptied itself in that quick first round. I courtesy-flushed and sat a few minutes to make sure I was in the clear. When I went to stand, my legs were shaky. I was light headed. I felt like I just gave birth to some horrible demon, and I was TIRED. But the gaggle of girls had left, and I was able to exit the bathroom practically anonymous. I stumbled back to our campsite like I had gone through war. But I survived.” 18.The Pleasure Cruise Of Doom“Behold, the terrifying & inspiring story of the PLEASURE CRUISE OF DOOM. I was on holiday in Australia, a student of modest means, yet desiring to experience the maritime adventure of the Great Barrier Reef. In Queensland, the shorter the distance to the reef the more expensive the ticket on a tourist boat. So I opted to depart from Cairns. The weather was breezy, and there were some waves…I inquired of the Captain whether the conditions were too rough. He smiled reassuringly and said that they were expecting wind of ‘only 15 knots or so.’ Knowing nothing of the ways of pirates, I shrugged and boarded. The trip was supposed to take about 3 hours, arriving at a sand bar from which we could relax and snorkel. There were 30 other passengers, and approximately 10 crew. The boat was 3 stories, 2 above board and one below. The voyage began pleasantly with much excitement about seeing all the tropical fish and colorful coral formations. Ahead, I saw darkening clouds and white-capped waves. A sense of foreboding grew within me, and over a period of 15 minutes, the mood on board darkened. Soon the boat was rocking & the crew was passing out life vests. By the time each passenger was equipped, the boat was rocking violently…the waves were taller than the boat and we were canting at an angle…as we went up the boat would rock to the left, and as we went down to the right…to such an angle that one could reach out and touch a wall of water that stretched to the sky. I feared we would capsize. But I soon learned, there were darker forces at work… I was on the deck level at the rear of the ship…there were other passengers on the second level. Then the fateful curse floated past…’I think I’m going to be sick.’ Naturally, on a boat there’s not much in the way of bathroom facilities, and so we soon learned the art of improvisation. Over the noise of crashing waves I heard a bestial moan which could hardly come from the lips of man…Eyes wide with terror I look up to see a fellow passenger clutching the railing…as we pass the mid point in our arc, she’s looking up and opens her mouth wide enough to swallow a rubbish bin, and proceeds to projectile vomit…time stands still and I witness the partially digested contents of our catered lunch suspended in mid air above me…I count several shrimp, gobs of biscuit, mash of eggplant…and fervently praying that this gallon of goo will sail peacefully to its watery demise…the time stop spell begins to wear off and the boat rocks the other direction…all of us afraid to let go of the railing lest being swept out to sea, the boat rocks to the side, catching up with the suspended goo…and the poor woman ends up reuniting with her creation. Shivering with the shameful laughter of schadenfreude, & the selfish relief of not sharing her fate, Neptune reigns down swift Karmic justice upon me. Overwhelmed with despair & disgust at her plight, she vomits again. This time, looking down…the projectile vomit a bulls-eye…on me. The stench of the stomach acid & warm shrimp quickly overpowers me, and I too projectile vomit…just as the boat has reached the end of its arc and I’m face to face with a wall of water…The stream hits the wave and I end up with a mouthful of seawater flavored vomit…I turn away not wanting to drown, and complete (my first wave) of vomiting upon my neighbor’s horrified face. The curse gaining power, a chain reaction forms…within an instant all 30 passengers and 10 crew were enveloped in an orgy of projectile vomiting. Groans of agony echo throughout the ship…and the curse will never lift…for as one person finishes, another person starts, which only inspires others…the stench is inescapable…and so the cycle repeats…soon every surface & article of clothing is soaked…the deck becomes slippery with out collective creation. By the time we reach the calm waters protected by the Reef, everyone is exhausted & defeated. We have surrendered our dignity eons ago, and are wantonly wallowing in the witches brew. Salty sea dogs & land lubbers alike rejoice at the presences of a sandbar where we can recover. And yet, the captain cruelly instructs the slop boy to hose out the ship, which takes several hours as we wait for the storm to pass. A man beside me remarks to his son, “that’s why you want to go to college, so you don’t end up with his job.” And so I learned, beware 20 knot winds, for they carry foul breathe upon them.” 19.The Client And The Police Officer“This is more situational than gross. I was out at a closing dinner with management from a company I had signed up as a new client. One of the people on the management team lived near me so he offered to drop me off instead of letting me take the train/subway. We all say our goodbyes and I get in the car; almost immediately the guy says to me that he might need to make a stop. So I don’t think much of it, we’re chatting, and he starts talking less and less over the course of about 15 minutes and looking more and more uncomfortable. I asked if he was alright, started kicking out some ideas for places to stop (I thought he had to piss) and he keeps saying its ok. We’re getting close to my place, he hasn’t said a word for about 5 minutes, and all of a sudden lets out this banshee-like wail out of nowhere. I’m actually frightened at this point; for some reason I thought he was having a stroke and kept trying to remember that stupid acronym. Anyway, so after a few seconds, the familiar scent of cheap Chinese food stewed in stomach acid for 8-10 hours and exploded out the rectum reaches my nostrils and I grasp the enormity of my circumstances. He immediately pulls into an abandoned warehouse parking lot and hops out of the car, goes to the trunk and grabs something, then runs off behind a tree. So I’m pretty confused at this point and I start looking around and realize his seat is actually covered in shit and there is some splashback around the steering wheel and door (I somehow was spared collateral damage). Anyway, just as I finish assessing the damage, a cop pulls up behind the car with the lights flashing. The cop comes up to the car and just then the guy with my waddles out from behind a tree and starts running towards the car. He had wrapped himself in a sheet which was covered in shit stains (he had apparently tried to wipe himself up) and carrying his shit soaked pants, which were dripping. So the cop takes one look at the guy and one whiff of the car and says, ‘You know what, fuck it.’ Gets in his car and drives away. Epilogue: Guy got back in the car and did not say a word to me other than goodnight when I got out. I threw away my clothes and huddled in the shower in the fetal position alternatively laughing and crying for about a half hour after I got home. He has never spoken a word to me about this since.” Source: http://allofbeer.com/seriously-gross-19-true-tales-of-horrifying-bathroom-emergencies/ from https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2018/06/26/seriously-gross-19-true-tales-of-horrifying-bathroom-emergencies/ |
AuthorHi my name is Samantha Roberts I am 23 years old and I just graduated with my BSN degree I love to enjoy going out with friends on my spare time and enjoying the Bachelor life. Archives
April 2019
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